Mommy Gossip

Once Upon a Time, there was a 3-year-old princess with the most beautiful blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes. When she was happy, everyone was happy. When she was miserable, the kingdom literally shut down. She had the most contagious grin. When she smiled, her mouth opened, spreading heavenward causing her nose to crinkle and her forehead to lift along the way. This princess’s name was Rachel.

One day, King Ryan and Queen Emily went on a trip to visit family in the Ukraine and to see the castle in Russia. Princess Rachel was happy to spend time with her two brothers—prince Jacob and prince Caleb—and her guests from the west country—nice Aunt Jyl and fun cousins, Chase and Connor. What she wouldn’t realize until later, is that another not-so-unfamiliar guest was lurking about, ready to ruin the ball, so to speak.

Tummy Monster was the vilest, meanest bug around—and the most unwelcome of all guests. He could wreak havoc on even the fairest princess’s tummy, causing doubling-over pains in an instant. The result? A domino effect of potty avoidance, a stoppage of pooage for days, a psychological fear of the “throne,” and in short, just a royal headache.

One lovely afternoon, Aunt Jyl took Princess Rachel, the princes, and their cousins on an adventure. Everyone had a lovely time. Five minutes before it was time to go back to the carriage, Aunt Jyl made the mistake of using the “P” word? Oh! My! Princesses don’t always have great judgment, remember. Ariel traded her voice at the risk of losing her soul. Snow White took a bite of an apple that wasn’t in a tamper-resistant package. Sleeping Beauty touched the spindle, mesmerized by a green glowing ball (What?). And, to keep with the tradition of fellow princesses, Princess Rachel threw a royal fit, right in public. Fairy Godmother! Help us all!!!!

It wasn’t just a fit, it was a procession—from the lobby, to the “throne,” to the steps, where the princes and cousins were waiting with the peasants due to the fact that the royal fit continued past the time the clock struck midnight. If only a shoe had been removed in the process instead of a little princess’s entire royal garb, which was all in vain anyway.

But, as with all fairy tales, this one has a happy ending. Princess Rachel lived to see another day (by the hair of her chinny chin chin!); Tummy Monster rode off into the sunset (for one night anyway); King Ryan and Queen Emily are fast approaching the Kindgom; and Aunt Jyl saw an Amish man rollerblading down Main Street in his full traditional attire, free of his horse and buggy, and undoubtedly singing George Michael’s “Freedom” while enjoying the biggest burst of air conditioning in his life!

The End