Mommy Gossip

Mary Poppins--in the protection of her umbrella (AKA: Delta Airlines), with her bottomless carpet bag in hand (AKA: Three pieces of luggage, four back packs, and one purse), not to mention the lipstick perfectly applied on her perfectly patient and loving smile (There is no AKA for or truth in that one!)--flies off into the sunset (toward Salt Lake City) only to land in... FILTH????

Wait! What??? Isn't this fairy tale (AKA: Three-week babysitting stint/family vacation) supposed to have a happy ending? Well, I guess Gregory Maguire's bold addition to The Wizard of Oz with Wicked has caused its fair share of chaos in fairy tale land, because this one certainly has run amok. Mary Poppins is back to plain old mom, complete with carpooling duty and play dates. The kids are more worried about taking my tuppence for treats instead of for feeding the birds. Troy--do I say it?--didn't do ONE OUNCE OF CLEANING in the two weeks while we were gone. And, the house, in utter revolt, went into a state of decay.

I guess this isn't too abnormal. The "Practically" part of Mary Poppins' "Perfect in Every Way" definition alone left room for some imperfection. Also... what do we really know about nanny 911 herself? I mean, really... Did we all think that such a perfect specimen would be eternally homeless and husband-less (or partner-less to be a little more PC) for such a higher calling as babysitting? What did we think would be awaiting her after her stint helping the Banks' children learn to clean their room at the snap of a finger, love their work-a-holic father, and climb chimney smoke stairs? Another family with maids and butlers and bratty, messy kids waiting for spoonfuls of sugar? Did we ever stop to think she had a home? And, if so, what did we think was happening to it while she was being Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious? I'll tell you what... it was going into decay or getting avoided by her husband. I mean, did we all think Dick Van Dyke was just her friend? Come on!!!

I for one am glad I didn't have to see the real ending or the sequel to Mary Poppins, highlighting the 2 inches of mold that apparently grows on zucchini while au pairs extraordinaire are tending to more important matters, like laughing so hard they hit the ceiling.

So, while it may take three teams of house keepers (where are my maids?) to get this house back to normal, at least I can resume life as a mom again sans child care duties.

In the meantime, I'll enjoy snapshots from the trip and imagine a much cleaner place.